CALL OF A DRAG

(i apologize for the use of language, hope it doesn't trivialize the write up)

What is that single fucking thing that I would stand up to protect considering nothing?

Why isn’t there any substitute word for ‘fucking’?

Why have I grown so skeptical?

Why are there people who are assholes?

Reasons?

Goddamn you. There are no reasons at times. You take a fucking long drag of the blazing tobacco shooting nicotine up your central nervous system, with shrieking hard metal music tearing apart your ear drums, with blaze of smoke all around you and substantial alcohol to jam up your biological processes, you CEASE TO THINK. YES, that is all you need to do sometimes. That is exactly why that is so hard.

Morality? You one hell of a screwed up son-of-a-bitch.

Take a look at yourself, and all that you had thought you would not do, … and all that you had thought you would actually do.

My ears hurt. My head pains. My system sick of the fucking bitter toxin and a semi-efficient nervous system fed with volumes of nicotine, regurgitates.

I think again, and I stop.

Disrupted Memories of a Pause

I still remember

The shivers I felt, when there was summer around

I’d searched for people-

I’d searched for distances that brought men together

I hated the blankness around-

The stillness of solitude

The blurred reality engulfed by the chilled dreams

And

Then it was distant.

Here's some off-the-chart post-a poem. It might as well fail to arouse any interest. Its called "Glimpse Of a Journey".

I have a fetish for the colour green.

I’m not sure how, it was only

When I looked out through a window

Anticipating reddish and brown and tawny substance

That they love to call soil, and I found green.

As though a prevision, I found out why.

The subtlety intrigues me, when I realize

The water droplet sitting idly on a grass blade and

The world it portrays in the reflection, is actually false.

Where have I been all along?

The likelihood that I am false is overpowering,

I awoke only to see the greenery gone.

Is it bizarre

To imagine the brown turf go green again?

How long has it been

Since the lack of viridity has perplexed me?

The rain is yet to arrive.

Once I found a man

Lost, he lay on a bed of grass

I yearned for the extent of his insularism,

Desperation embraced me, I thought for a while.

Right then I opened my eyes

And I found them green again.

Rubbish Talk

Here's the catch, how often do we write about absolutely nothing?

Or, to be specific, what is this 'absolutely nothing' thing? Lets say, hypothetically, Mr. 23x gets up in the morning, brushes, eats, goes to school/college/office, does his job, gets back, has dinner, relaxes and goes off to sleep... (Audience quiz - 'What happened today at work?', Mr. 23x - 'Absolutely nothing'). Now, Mrs. 23x (might be a reason why mister so much enjoys work!), gets up... bla bla bla... stays at home (The eyebrows perilously rise of the feminist audience) and does household chores/ goes to work (AWAY you feminists!), returns, bla bla bla, and replies to the same question "Absolutely nothing"(the tone, to be imagined). For a Mr. Foxiung. who is a hypothetical business giant, a purchase amounting to a million (which i wish was real and available) in a day would yield the same answer.

For me, an absolutely nothing day is when I manage to stay awake for 12 hours, of which 10 goes to a very pronounced (but brief) period of computer gaming.

Accepted, its a very general idea of absolutely nothing because, say, for a soldier in the first 'great' war, stuck in a trench at Somme, managing to stay alive and gunning down 2 enemies would amount to "Absolutely nothin' mate!" (Spice talk: a bullet hits him right then and he's dead!)

Serious talk: surprisingly these A.N. days dominate our lives. We are so ignorant of the power of the A.N that many of us have perished to analyze it. Its a synonym for stability (to some) or static life(for others) or dullness(for a considerable number as well).

Well the point is, I am currently amidst an avalanche of A.N. days. And believe me, before the vicious web of this ailment spreads all over your perfect life, here comes the remedy. I have discovered few characteristics of it and if needed, the solution to counter it (stress on 'If needed', because, shock talk- the terrible mistake of false analysis could actually lead you into the cycle of the A.N!).

Firstly it is addictive- it is a master of allusions. Secondly, the moment you step out of it (or endeavor to) you experience rapid self dissociation. Thirdly, you lose track of time- it is a master of trickery. Lastly, and most importantly, your memory starts dis-functioning (because A.N days are dangerously indistinguishable!!)

But, my long experience has yielded the solution, and yes it exists! A.N days' biggest enemy is interest, passion and awareness. The moment you start taking conscious note of it, A.N days disappear! They never occur during your most passionate moments and being sharply aware of a thing negates the last two symptoms! But the catch still remains, IDENTIFYING THEM.

Here are a few things which might help us to do so,

firstly, a recent break up or a equivalent period of emotional stress. (A.N days' most potent sustaining resource)

secondly, the fact whether someone is content at the end of his day. (Because A.N days' are weakest when your energy levels fluctuate).

thirdly , highly recurrent activities. (A.N days bloom when you feed them at regular intervals)!!!

Once they are identified, they can be dealt with, but never should someone be assured of its permanent disappearance, because my friends, A.N days are here to stay!

See my friends, i successfully talked about absolutely nothing.

Vanity in Vain

Its often a very noticeable, and at times humorous trait in various people, the reactions generated when the conscious part of their personality is challenged. The very basic observation is that it differs. Of course, but it also depends very much on the notion each and every human beings has of themselves. It is almost an impossibility to even try and assess the thoughts of different people about their own selves, primarily because it is not often that we find a person deft at precisely analyzing himself. Therefore, we proceed with the assumption that most (stress on most) people fail to analyze major part of their own self truly, and even if a person does, (the following assumption is completely based on personal experience) i doubt he will look forward to disclose it. It is often through very trivial and insignificant events when his psychological composition is exposed briefly, and is noticed only by people with keen observation and analytical power. Therefore, largely, the personality is not exposed.

There are so many different traits inherent in different people, that it is very unfair to generalize or base an assumption on stereotypes. The situations in which someone's personality is challenged range from petty fights, to arguments, expression of independent beliefs, achievements etc. But, it is an interesting observation, that for a considerable number of people, the expression of their psychological composition arises during trivial matters. The term 'trivial' here would mean those moments which are of a relatively less importance to him than others to which he gives considerable amount of attention and effort, and this has to be based on his own conception various events affecting himself. This is where the humor part comes in. A lot of us do not realize the amount of unnecessary (or necessary) time we spent behind these situations solely to reinforce the swelled up sense of our personality.

We would not have survived if we were devoid of personalities, but probably to many, the reason they survive is the existence of their self-conceived notion of the best personality. The funny thing is, instead of detesting such a trait in people, (which morality or the books demand from us) we find ourselves adjusting, and at times appreciating such a trait, for the very basic reason that we tend to associate ourselves with that. This is why terms such as 'male-ego', or 'attitude' or in that case 'guts' have been coined. Majority of the people would admit that possessing such a trait is unethical, while realizing or not realizing that even he/she is not entirely devoid of it!

So, when we have a real bad brawl with a known or unknown person who beats the crap out of us, we may swear, shout, hit, fight or (i pray not) even kill the guy (the possibility of which would be very bleak), yet eventually we end up admiring the (scornful!!) "whoever-the-fuck-he-was", and i bet, would secretly love to be in a vice-versa position! That is what ego is all about!